Big Decisions Sometimes Take A Little Time

My sister and I got our first tattoo last week! Same tattoo, same location in memory of our dad. After three years of discussion we finally figured it out, and we couldn't be happier with it!

I didn't expect it, but it was such an emotional day for me. The tattoo has so much symbolism and meaning to it that I will always hold dear to my heart. And not just the symbolism seen by the eye. It stands for something that would take days (or just an entire blog) to explain.

To the normal eye, it's a dove with a phrase under it. In different cultures, the dove stands for peace, serenity, and the freeing of a soul to the other side. The olive branch in the dove's mouth is a symbol of peace and new life. The phrase under it, "Let Your Soul Shine" is just a line out of an Allman Brothers' song.

But if you could look at it closer, if you could see what the needle etched into my heart, you would see something so much more beautiful. You would see a lifetime of stories and memories.

The dove symbolizes my dad in the eternal sense- a soul set free from pain and suffering. He was sick for so long, but even before he was sick, he suffered through so much hardship in his life. His soul has now found peace, wherever one chooses to think that is. For me, souls don't fly off to some unseen place. They become a part of us. My dad's soul swirls around me at all times. It's the wind on a breezy day. It's the sun on hot summer days, and the rain on the stormy ones. His soul streams down my face through tears during tough times, and it sings through my laughter during joyous times. It's gentle, soft and quiet just like a dove symbolizes, and just like my dad was on Earth. I'm never alone because I feel him all around me, and I hear his voice in my heart.

The olive branch symbolizes me in the present tense- peaceful and new. Losing someone so connected to me was the hardest thing I've ever been faced with. It changes a person- first for the worst and then for the better. It's amazing how the psychology books pin the process down to a 'T'. For the first two years I was bitter and angry with everyone. I descended into a black hole, and I never thought I would be able to pull myself out of it. I lost faith in a lot of things- especially people. The cliche line of "You find out who your true friends are" took on a whole new meaning. I lost myself after my dad was gone, and a lot of the times I just wanted to die. But with the support, love and  LOTS patience from a few wonderful people, I dug myself out. I had to learn how to live again- this time without him physically. And now I have a completely different outlook on life than I did even before he died. I have gained such a deeper connection with everything around me. And I have a completely new respect for life itself. Not just my life, but ALL life.

The phrase symbolizes my dad in the past tense and all he taught us. Like stated before, it reads, "Let Your Soul Shine." It comes from The Allman Brothers' song "Soul Shine." They were one of my dad's favorite bands, and we played that song at his funeral. Not only is it a pretty song, but it represents everything my dad stood and lived for.

"He used to say Soulshine,
It's better than Sunshine,
Better than Moonshine,
Damn sure better than the rain.
Yea now people don't mind,
We all get this way sometimes.
You gotta let your soul shine,
Shine till the break of day"

Anyone who knew my father, knew how optimistic he was. He was one of the most hardworking men I've ever seen, and he rarely ever complained. He went through so much, even as a child, and he always kept a smile on his face. Whenever my siblings and I would get upset at something someone did, or if things didn't work out just as we wanted them to work out, he didn't let us wallow in our sorrows. He used to always say to us, "Don't drink the poison." And he didn't. He didn't drink the poison that life sometimes poured him. He didn't give others control over his attitude or feelings. He always learned from the situation and rose above it. He didn't let hate or anger fill his soul when life wasn't going great. Even when he was sick, he always saw the positive side of things. What positive sides there could be from dying of cancer when you certainly are done living yet, I will never know, but he was always optimistic about it. He always swallowed his medicine with a smile on his face. And that is what I learned from him. He taught me how to ride a bike and drive a car. He taught me how to catch and hit. He taught me how to tie my shoes. But the main lesson he taught me was how to love and forgive. He taught me how to let my soul shine through the ups and the downs.