Strange Things Come in Strange Packages

I don't like talking about religion. Unless you are around a thousand people that believe the same way you do, it's just not a fun topic. When someone brings this subject up, I can feel my temperature rise and my muscles tense up. It's worse than talking about politics. I don't like arguing (or debating, same thing) with people. I don't see the point. I don't see the point because there is no point. Most people hit a certain age, and they are pretty grounded in what they believe. Debating an issue like religion does nothing but cause bad feelings. I'm getting nervous just typing this, but I felt compelled to do so.

Religion is tricky. You grow up believing something because your parents told you that's how it is, and your parents are never wrong. But then you actually grow up into an adult, and life happens. You realize your parents are as human as you, and you wonder if they really believe all of the things they tell you. You watch all of these bad things happen to people you love, and it sucks. You read about all of the crime, war and hatred in this world, and it sucks. You watch people, young and old, suffer and die, and it sucks. That's the only word for it all. Life freaking sucks sometimes. So you start questioning everything you have been taught. You question the man upstairs. You question the man downstairs, and you question all of the men around you. Why in the world would someone create such a horrible place and allow these things to happen?

That is what happened to me. I've really struggled with my beliefs the last few years. I used to believe in so much. I used to believe that things happen for a reason. I used to believe that the good triumphs the bad. I used to believe we were all destined for something great. Then life happened. And let me say it again: Life freaking sucks sometimes. So for the past year or so I have really taken the time to figure things out. I've let go of the fairy tale stories we are told as children, and reached into my own heart for answers. For a while, I was comfortable with what I learned. It made sense to me. But I still had a few nagging questions that I just couldn't come to peace with.

That is where I was two days ago. Friday night I had to work the closing shift at Belk. It's tax-free weekend, so we were opened until 10:00. I was the only person there from about 6:00 on, and it was AWFUL. So I'm stuck behind the register for a good two hours when a woman and her two children approach me to check out. Long story short- she hadn't used her Belk card in a while, and I had to open a new account for her. She ended up waiting for about 30 minutes, so I gave her some extra discounts for being so patient. She was probably the nicest person I have met in a long time. I could tell she had a deep spiritual connection because she kept using phrases like, "Oh what a blessing!" and talking about how great the Lord was. We talked a while and I told her a little about myself- I lived with my boyfriend; we were moving to FL next week, and tomorrow was my last day. One thing that bothered me at first was that she asked me why we weren't married yet. I told her we just didn't have the money, and we were happy the way things were. I waited for a rude remark or a judgmental look like we usually get from religious people, but there wasn't so I relaxed a bit. She told me she wished me many blessings on our journey. I said thank you, finished bagging her clothes, and she left.

When I got home I told Nick about it in passing. We didn't talk about it much, but I couldn't get that woman out of my mind. The next morning I returned to work. A few hours into the day, I received a phone call from her. She told me she had something for me, and would drop it off around lunch. So I waited kind of nervous about the entire situation. When she got there she handed me a gift bag with a really nice study bible in it. She told me that she prayed for me the night before, and that she felt compelled to buy me a gift. She then went into a little spill about how harsh the world can be, and how mean people can be, but not to let that come between myself and God. She also told me to find a church that taught the love of God and scripture, and not all of the nonsense you hear about these days. It was the strangest thing.

All of this time I had been struggling with a few questions. Nick and I have been wanting to find a church to go to, but have been so turned off by the way people preach these days. We don't want political views and end of the world scare tactics stuffed in our faces. And my main struggle hasn't been with my spiritual connection, but with people. People turn me off to religion- the hate, the anger, the judgements- it's horrible. Why would anyone want to be a part of that? I keep my beliefs to myself. I pray and talk to God when I am alone. I don't feel the need to broadcast it to the world or try to get everyone I know to believe in the same things I believe in. But that woman did something for me that I have needed for a long time. She restored my faith in people. I don't know if God sent her to me or if I was just in the right place at the right time. I don't know if it was God talking through her, but I will be forever grateful. She answered my questions, and gave me hope. I have found the peace I was looking for.

By the way, her name was Tammy Steinberg. And if for some strange reason she reads this, I just want to say thank you.